Walking home for lunch between classes today I rather unexpectedly found myself in a very contemplative mood. However, the overwhelming exhaustion that has been growing for days finally felt larger than life and sitting down on the couch all I wanted to do was be. Sliding a dvd of Friends into my computer (our newest thing here - no idea how that started) I prepared to just tune out every thought for 20 minutes. Yet I did not even make it to the intro...
Joined by a friend we unexpectedly began talking and one question from here prompted a rather disjointed explanation of the different pieces of my life I am currently sorting through. Graciously listening as my words tumbled out in spurts and stops, she responded with a lovely description of me; of what is going on in my life and the process of working through it all. As though her words afforded me the opportunity to breathe, to view my own life through her eyes... beyond wonderful. I was particularly struck by one comment she made, that of living in beautiful tension.
Beautiful Tension
When I hear the word tension the last thought to enter my mind is anything of beauty, yet as I pondered her words and description I realized what a fantastic coupling these words form. Straddling countries, my concept of home is being reformed and reshaped.
Building new relationships while maintaining old.
Struggling with the knowledge that I am missing out on key events in friends lives.
Regretting not being around for those in need. Looking forward to new adventures in distant lands.
Excited for the opportunity to help even more children and interact with new cultures. Wondering if the work I am engaging in is truly greater than the unintentional consequences formed from it.
Realizing that I am in a situation without any control.
Trusting that God will work everything out for His purposes.
Living in Beautiful Tension. Standing in the middle of a web of people, places and events, learning what it means to find balance and joy even when life is not as simple as I wish it to be.
A Perfect Description Of Where I Find Myself Today
And I Would Not Choose To Have It Any Other Way
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